Lol@Jesus Christ: The Facebook Passion

Continuing with the religious theme from my last-but-one post (well, it *is* Easter I suppose and I *am* trying to convince everyone that it really says in The Gospel of Mark that those who do not buy their friends Easter eggs will burn forever in the fiery pit of hell…).

Some clever soul has created Jesus' Facebook Page complete with a photo album of ‘Jesus cuddling fluffy things’, comments by Dan Brown, the disciple James uploading photos from his Blackberry and Jesus sending a gift of A Big Ol’ Can of Whoop Ass to the Moneylenders amongst lots of other funny posts. It’s a little too serious for my liking, but since it is a parody of the Easter Passion story then a certain amount of sobriety is unavoidable. I’d like to see how other attempts at a day-to-day, run-of-the-mill FB page for JC would fare. Or how about God’s FB page? (God's twittering of creation was hysterically funny). So many possibilities!

Run, Jesus Run! a.k.a. The 10 second Gospel

Love the little flash game ‘Run, Jesus Run!’ from Molleindustria (for download here). You have 10 seconds to cure some lepers, perform a few miracles, gather your apostles and redeem humanity. Hit space bar to begin! 

A little 8 bit blasphemy can do no harm, eh?...*braces for lightning bolt*.....here's a speedrun of the game... 

The Dave Stewart Twitter Song Writing Competition: The Results Are In!

Many thanks to everyone for their huge support for Glitter Hearted Hero, my entry to the Dave Stewart song writing competition (see blog post here). After over an hour of nail-biting deliberation last night, Dave finally announced that it was ‘a close tie’ between two entries. Then came the shocker:

“OK phew it was hard , the winner is Chris Taylor very close second is Helen Ingram YEY” (Source: http://twitter.com/DaveStewart)

Wow, now that was a surprise!! Not bad for two hours on a lazy Sunday afternoon with a notepad, a few creative brainwaves and a laptop mic, eh? Yes, I admit that I am gutted that I lost out on the chance to have Dave record the track, especially since I greatly admire his work and there was only one point between us on his scoring system! (see scoring sheet below). But the experience has been priceless. I’ve always been a keen writer, both creative and academic, and I desperately love making music (most of you will not know that I am a grade 8 pianist, a saxophonist and violinist). Maybe the obvious has been right in front of me all along: I should combine the two and try my hand at songwriting…? This is my first attempt at putting pen to paper (or lyric to note, rather) and I realise that it is a huge business and I have no idea where to begin, but I enjoy a challenge and Dave Stewart has certainly provided the motivation and inspiration for me to pursue the goal. Thanks again to everyone for their support and showing their love for the track – and watch this space!

More on Dave Stewart’s Twitter contest can be found here at ethrill.net…

The stress-raising, accident-inducing, energy saving light bulb

This week I discovered that the most elusive thing in the world isn’t love, happiness, unicorns, the perfect mascara or Osama Bin Laden. It is the simple 60 watt light bulb.

I have spent hours, nay days, searching for a pretty, bright bulb for the new light fitting on my bedroom ceiling only to discover that there is no longer such a thing. Instead the shelves in my local DIY stores are populated by lots of green boxed, energy saving, eco-friendly bulbs. Now I’m as environmentally conscious as the next person (I’m trying not to burn the place, honest) and I’m happy to do my bit for energy conservation, but I found myself getting a little ‘ranty’ about the current light bulb situation…

First there is the light issue. Isn’t the purpose of a light bulb to light a room? Apparently not. The room isn’t half as bright as before and I’m stumbling around in the semi dark trying to get dressed each morning. And by the time it ‘heats up to full beam’ I’ve finished my activity and left the room!

Second there is the aesthetic issue. I settled for a 40 watt weird looking twirly thing that makes my gorgeous new antique-looking light fitting look a bit...errr...well, modern. A candle bulb would have suited perfectly, but instead I have a Star Wars energy cell. Great. Please, environmentalists, don’t make me compromise on style in order to help you out. Plus, you make me feel guilty when I choose the pretty-but-frying-the-earth option instead. Why can’t energy efficiency be stylish too?

So if I fall out of a window or down the stairs over the next month or so, please direct the coroner to this blog page and tell him/her that the light bulbs killed me. I was trying to save humanity but the light bulbs had other ideas. They are part of a world-wide light bulb conspiracy to rid the planet of humans by causing countless household accidents. The human race will die out and the planet will be in peace. Hmmm, maybe they are environmentally friendly after all…

And I’m not alone in my misgivings, if the Facebook group These Energy Saving Lightbulbs Might Be Saving Energy But I Can't See Shit is anything to go by. And at this rate we are only a few watts short of the ultimate energy saver; the emo bulb.

Star Warz Burlesque & Cabaret: The Encore Show! 12 March 2010

By popular demand, the Star Wars burlesque sensation with over 150,000 YouTube views in less than three weeks (see here) is set to take a bigger stage at The Music Box @ Fonda in Hollywood. On Friday, March 12 at 9pm, Courtney Cruz’s Devil’s Playground presents Star Warz Burlesque & Cabaret, recapturing the inspired galactic interpretation that earned worldwide acclaim in G4's "Attack of the Show," LAWeekly, SpikeTV, Esquire.com, BoingBoing, PerezHilton.com, SciFi Wire, AnyGuey.com and more.

If you’re a Star Wars fan and you think you’ve seen it all, get ready to go an entirely new galaxy with Devil's Playground on March 12. Courtney Cruz is working closely with creative director and costume designer Carlos Flores to assemble her most popular burlesque artists for their most elaborately-designed production to date. Star Warz Burlesque & Cabaret will surprise and delight fans of Star Wars, burlesque, or anyone who just likes to have fun on a Friday night.

What: Devil’s Playground Presents Star Warz Burlesque & Cabaret

Date: Friday, March 12, 2010

Time: Doors at 9:00 p.m.

Post-Show Meet & Greet with Photos 11:15 p.m.

Where: The Music Box @ Fonda

6126 Hollywood Blvd., Hollywood, CA

323-464-0808

Tickets: www.wantickets.com/starwarz

A little bit about The Devil’s Playground

The Devil’s Playground is a monthly instalment of themed, theatrical burlesque entertainment and variety acts. The second Saturday of every month Devil’s Playground Creator Courtney Cruz produces and performs with her group of sexy dames in Los Angeles. From Star Wars themes and Batman characters to Video Game girls, Courtney and her lovely ladies will always leave you wanting more. The Devil's Playground can be found at http://www.courtneycruz.com/, on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/courtneycruz and on Twitter at www.twitter.com/trueburlesque.

Dating tips for the single 1930s woman

♫ If you liked it then you shoulda put a girdle on it…♫

Thanks to my colleague A.D. for drawing my attention to these dating tips for the single woman in 1938. The advice is simple: be careful that your stocking aren’t wrinkled, don’t be familiar with the headwaiter, don’t pass out from too much liquor and remember - when a man dances he just wants to dance!

Sound advice if you ask me. Here are some of my favourites…

More tips can be found at sadanduseless.com

Lorry Fail, Bridge Win at the University of Birmingham

I spotted this lorry firmly wedged under a bridge when on my travels around the University of Birmingham campus this afternoon. Apparently it has been there for a while now (four days, I hear!).

And the company logo on the side of the truck? ‘Protecting People. Reducing Risk’. Classic!

Lorry vs Bridge update: 9th March 2010

Yes, three weeks later and the lorry is STILL lodged under the bridge. Apparently it has caused serious structural damage to the bridge and a structural assessment of the damage has shown that the vehicle cannot be moved until the bridge structure is independently supported and made safe. There are plans to remove the lorry and provide temporary propping which will allow the road to be used soon. Work on the bridge will take place later in the year.

So, lorry drivers out there, if there is something to be learned from this HGV faux-pas then it is this: LOOK UP!!!

To airbrush or not to airbrush? In defence of the digitally enhanced

I see that the whole ‘airbrushing photos of models and making spotty teenagers feel insecure’ argument has blown up again (is it ever dead?). The whole debate is utter b****cks if you ask me. What next? Banning pretty models in case they make the rest of us feel ugly? How about banning intelligent people so that stupid people don’t feel so stupid?!?

Now I’m as riddled with imperfections and insecurities as the next woman, but I have strong opinions when it comes to the airbrushing debate. The digital manipulation of models to make them look thinner is another issue. Those women often look ill, gaunt and just plain wrong and I vehemently oppose any use of models that offends my sensibilities as well as my eye. But attacking an image simply because the model has been enhanced to look prettier than the average women quite often annoys me.

First, every young person has insecurities – both male and female – and body issues and a lack of confidence are unavoidable aspects of puberty. It’s always been this way. There has always being someone far more intelligent, more athletic, prettier etc than you are and the human race has survived thus far. Second, I know firsthand that a photo editor can be a life-saver on a photo shoot after a rough night out. There is no way that I would let some photos be viewed by my cat let alone by anyone else without first being retouched. So I tend to sympathise with the model in this respect. Third, I don’t like being patronised by over-sensitive wishy-washy types who feel that they need to bring the whole world of beauty down a notch or two just to make the rest of us feel pretty. And finally, as a consumer I like my advertising to be pleasing to the eye. Take the Olay ‘real women’ campaign, for example. Did a bunch of women of various shapes and sizes flaunting their lumps and bumps make me feel more inclined to buy Olay? No. No-one wants to see droopy and overhanging lumps of flesh while they are eating their dinner, no matter how ‘real’ we are told that these women are. In fact I worried that anyone seeing me buy it off the shelf would think that I sympathised with the brand because I was overweight or insecure about my body. That’s one epic marketing fail right there. So in contrast, I asked myself, is a perfectly svelte and airbrushed to the hilt supermodel more likely to sell me a clothing line than a ‘real-life’ size 14 plain Jane? Yes, she is, I thought. And is a Wonderbra ad with a well-endowed woman spilling out of a bra more likely to sell lingerie to me than an ad featuring a pasty faced, B-cupped mother of ten? Yes, of course. These types of ads sucker me in every time and for one simple reason; because women like to aspire to an ideal.

Take a peek, for example, at one of Gill Elvgren’s pinup girls...

In most of Elvgren’s pictures we find an idealised image of a woman who has achieved a high level of feminine perfection that very few of us will ever attain. But do I hate the woman in the picture? No. Do I wish that she was carrying a little more weight, had bad skin or was just a bit more ‘uglier’? No. I love Elvgren’s work because I can aspire to be like these women and, as a heterosexual female, I find their beauty pleasing to the eye. These highly stylised pictures, and their modern airbrushed equivalents, should be embraced by women rather than treated as taboo and immoral images that are to be hidden away from young girls in case they make them feel insecure. In fact, it’s about time that women were exposed to more of them!

Ok, ok so I might sound like a ranting misogynist, but standards have already lowered considerably over the past few decades. Your average woman dresses for comfort in baggy jogging bottoms and her boyfriend’s jumper because we have been told that even the most beautiful models or celebrities dress like this most of the time. Just open any women’s magazine and the pages are crammed with unflattering photographs of celebs in their civvies and wearing little or no makeup. Women are no longer expected to look impeccable every minute of the day and it has become acceptable to dress like a slob even to go to the supermarket (as exemplified in the recent ‘Pyjamas at Tescos’ news story). We have been told that there is no need to make an effort, because no-one else is making an effort either. It’s a sad state of affairs and things can only get worse.

I know that the majority of us will never be that supermodel with the perfect body and the perfect digitally enhanced complexion, but please Mr. Ad man, give the next generation of young women something to aspire to. Set them a bar to which they can strive to reach before they start spiralling into a pit of complacency and disregard for their appearance. And, most importantly, please don’t start pandering to normality. Let’s try not to level the playing field so much so that we all become identical, faceless droids…


(however, let the following be a warning for temperance...)