Sunday, 22 November 2009

God Live Twitters Creation

Another religion related post today (well, I suppose it is a Sunday…)

Love this live feed excerpt from God’s Twitter during the early stages of creation (well, actually from Melinda Taub at Melinda Forever).

God: Gosh its dark in here. 7 days ago

God: There thats better. 7 days ago

God: Hey guys im finally on twitter! Whats up? 7 days ago

God: guys? 7 days ago

God: oh right. i’m the only thing in existence, haha. 7 days ago

God: shut up i wasnt talking 2 you RT @Satan I TOO EXIST 7 days ago

God: BOOORREEDD with endless void gonna make some stuff 7 days ago

God: Hey look what I did today! Separated the darkness from the light. Universe looks like a black and white cookie. 7 days ago

God: I shall call the light day and the darkness Eileen. 7 days ago

God: Darkness doesnt look like an Eileen. Lets go with night 7 days ago

God: Also i created heaven & earth. 7 days ago

God: also i created apostrophes but im not gonna use them 7 days ago

God: thats enough creating for now. Catch ya tomorrow 7 days ago

God: RT @Satan: WHAT IS “TOMORROW” 7 days ago

God: oh i forgot 2 mention i created time too. Busy day. 7 days ago

God: kind of lame creating 2day. Created a firmament. Not sure what that is 6 days ago

God: OMme so much 2 do 2day you guys! Got to bring 4th land from the waters AND create plants and trees. What should i do first?! 5 days ago

God: should have done land first. plants sank 5 days ago

God: fixed! Trees now ON TOP of land. 5 days ago

God: sorry no tweets yesterday guys. Made the sun moon & stars. turned out 2 be more work than i expected. Theyre bigger than they look. 3 days ago

God: another busy day. Made @beastsofthesea, @birdsoftheair, and best of all: @penguins. Those turned out so well. 3 days ago

God: made some more kinds of penguins. 3 days ago

God: Poll: What else should i make? a. beasts of the land b. creatures in my own image c. more penguins. 2 days ago

God: Answer my poll! 2 days ago

God: maybe it was a mistake to create the internet b4 invention of computers. 2 days ago

God: all right penguins it is. Yay! 2 days ago

God: oops. Penguins don’t like the desert. 2 days ago

God: or Indiana. 2 days ago

God: or the sky. 2 days ago

God: ill try the rainforest. Everything thrives in the rainforest. 2 days ago

God: Not penguins. 2 days ago

God: screw it. Made a bunch of other beasts of the land. Not as awesome as penguins but much less picky. 2 days ago

God: also created fake fossils and planted them in the ground 2 make the earth appear much older than it is. Just a little practical joke. 2 days ago

God: i need more followers. 2 days ago

God: #FollowFriday @adam @eve 2 days ago

God: @adam @eve I am the LORD your God who separated the light from the darkness. You shall have no other God before me for I am the LORD your Go
2 days ago

God: &#$%ing character limits. Point is, yay! I made you! Hi! Do what i say. 2 days ago

God: @adam: such as #noteatingapples. 2 days ago

God: @adam what do u mean why? Because im ur god and i said so. 2 days ago

God: @adam why r u bugging me about this? u can have all the mangoes u want and theyre way better. 2 days ago

God: @adam well youre just going to have to take my word for it. 2 days ago

God: @adam WHAT is ur DAMAGE with this apple thing? Eves not tweeting about apples. Shes just off – um – 2 days ago

God: @eve Hey! 2 days ago

God: @adam @eve: EPIC FAIL at #noteatingapples. Both of u r BANNED 2 days ago

God: so yesterday was really stressful. Im taking a break today. No more tweets til tomorrow. 1 day ago

God: Check it out, baby panda sneezing! (took a break from my break to create YouTube.) 1 day ago

Pretty funny stuff, huh?

Edit: 12:34 22 November 2009

While we're on a religious theme, check out this hysterical vid for the 'Mass: We Pray' video game…

Sunday, 8 November 2009

Dicking around or desecration?

Figures have been released on the eve of Remembrance Day revealing that war memorials are being desecrated at the rate of more than one a week. There has been a rash of these stories in the news recently, most notably the image of ‘sports tech’ student (*snigger snigger*) Philip Laing relieving himself on a memorial in Sheffield city centre (right). Note to self: join the Facebook group ‘Phil Laing - Scum Of The Earth’ and book a seat on the coach trip to piss on his memorial in 60yrs time.

Again, as I mentioned in an earlier post, why do Brits feel the need to punch themselves in the face repeatedly so often? Can’t we just be proud of ourselves without feeling uncool about it? And why is it that we are proud to be British at sporting events such as the World Cup and The Ashes, but we go around spraying graffiti on the graves of our own British war heroes? WTF?!?!

Here’s an idea: catch the vandals, enlist them in the army and dispatch them immediately to Afghanistan. Hopefully they’ll take the place of some of the real men that we’re losing out there and, to be honest, the UK could do with a chav cull.