Sunday, 14 March 2010

The stress-raising, accident-inducing, energy saving light bulb

This week I discovered that the most elusive thing in the world isn’t love, happiness, unicorns, the perfect mascara or Osama Bin Laden. It is the simple 60 watt light bulb.

I have spent hours, nay days, searching for a pretty, bright bulb for the new light fitting on my bedroom ceiling only to discover that there is no longer such a thing. Instead the shelves in my local DIY stores are populated by lots of green boxed, energy saving, eco-friendly bulbs. Now I’m as environmentally conscious as the next person (I’m trying not to burn the place, honest) and I’m happy to do my bit for energy conservation, but I found myself getting a little ‘ranty’ about the current light bulb situation…

First there is the light issue. Isn’t the purpose of a light bulb to light a room? Apparently not. The room isn’t half as bright as before and I’m stumbling around in the semi dark trying to get dressed each morning. And by the time it ‘heats up to full beam’ I’ve finished my activity and left the room!

Second there is the aesthetic issue. I settled for a 40 watt weird looking twirly thing that makes my gorgeous new antique-looking light fitting look a bit...errr...well, modern. A candle bulb would have suited perfectly, but instead I have a Star Wars energy cell. Great. Please, environmentalists, don’t make me compromise on style in order to help you out. Plus, you make me feel guilty when I choose the pretty-but-frying-the-earth option instead. Why can’t energy efficiency be stylish too?

So if I fall out of a window or down the stairs over the next month or so, please direct the coroner to this blog page and tell him/her that the light bulbs killed me. I was trying to save humanity but the light bulbs had other ideas. They are part of a world-wide light bulb conspiracy to rid the planet of humans by causing countless household accidents. The human race will die out and the planet will be in peace. Hmmm, maybe they are environmentally friendly after all…

And I’m not alone in my misgivings, if the Facebook group These Energy Saving Lightbulbs Might Be Saving Energy But I Can't See Shit is anything to go by. And at this rate we are only a few watts short of the ultimate energy saver; the emo bulb.

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