Boyling point

So Susan Boyle is in a clinic recovering from the stresses and strains of the pressures of sudden fame. Who knew, eh?

Surely anyone who appears on reality TV must realise by now that there is a limited popularity window of about a month before the inevitable backlash begins. First it’s cool to like them, then it becomes decidedly un-cool to like them (simply because everyone else thinks it’s cool to like them) and then it becomes cool to hate them. It’s the way we function as a society. Some folk survive the backlash and grow to become (albeit minor) celebrities, but the safeguard used by most of them to weather the criticism is exactly what Britain’s Got Talent was looking for; talent.

Yes, Susan Boyle had zillions of hits on Youtube, but let’s admit it – no-one was watching it because she was particularly stunning to look at or she had an exceptionally jaw-dropping voice. They were watching it because she is a funny little Scottish woman who everyone can have a good laugh at and who can carry a note (but, to be honest, not any better than the next funny little Scottish woman). It was a freak-show from the second she stepped on stage and nothing more. If the public had admitted this, called a spade a spade and not made such a big deal out of her ‘talent’ (yes, I’m talking to you America) then the media hype would not have reached fever pitch and Susan would have shuffled back up to Scotland a very happy and contended lady, maybe with a record deal with an Easy Listening label in her back pocket. But no, we had to harp on about what a fantastic singer she is (even though she can seemingly sing only one song…), grind the media engine and wait for the inevitable crash into a treatment centre.

So now, as a direct result of Susan’s treatment, government ministers are calling for tighter regulations to protect ‘vulnerable reality television contestants’. Hmmm, what exactly do we mean by the word ‘vulnerable’ here? Are we making a comment on an individual’s mental state before they enter into the competition? If so, will TV producers be forced to exclude someone from appearing on a reality TV show if they are deemed to be mentally unstable? Surely that would be a red rag to the equality brigade. Who exactly is going to carry out a thorough assessment of each participant in a show as large as Britain’s Got Talent? And what other groups should we exclude from participating in the event that they might become a danger to themselves? (how about the fire-eaters?! hehe). I suspect that restrictions will be heaped upon reality TV as a result of this and eventually regulations will spiral to the point that it will become impracticable to produce these shows anymore. But maybe that’s the fundamental idea.

What viewers of reality TV must realise is that by complaining about the treatment of individuals like Susan Boyle they are pressing the big red self-destruct button. The truth is that the British public love watching unstable people on TV. I’m no psychiatrist but I could tell that Susan was a little ‘unsteady’ as soon as I saw her and I didn’t watch the program to hear her sing, I watched to see what she was going to do and say next. It's cruel, but true. And the same applies to other reality TV shows. Take, for example, the tenth series of Big Brother that starts tomorrow night. Should we insist that everyone who enters the Big Brother house is completely sane and ‘normal’ in every sense of the word? Good God, that would make for uber-boring TV! Maybe before we all start calling for heads to roll for the treatment of Susan Boyle, we should consider this fact. Odd folk make for great entertainment. And we all love a great breakdown, especially if it’s on live TV.

So when the television schedules have been decimated due to tighter regulations introduced in response to the many complaints to OFCOM about the unfair treatment of these individuals and you’re sat in your house bored out of your brains with only the National Geographic and QVC channels on the TV, your iPod, a good book and a pack of card, don’t say I didn’t tell you so. Still, at least we won’t be fixed to the TV screen. I’d break out the monopoly board right now if I were you…

Hot patootie, bless my soul!

I was way too young when I watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time, but that’s not a bad thing. In fact, I owe all my favourite, personal idiosyncrasies to it. At an age when a little girl should be obsessed with ponies and princess dresses, I was obsessed with stockings, rock ‘n’ roll and gothic glamour. My primary male role-model, aside from my father, was a flamboyant, stiletto-wearing transvestite from Trannsexual, Transylvania. Never did me any harm.

So I was horrified to learn today that MTV are planning a remake. And not only a remake, but they intend to ADD SONGS!! WHAAAT?!?

Jesus Christ people, do you realise what you’re messing with?? Are MTV aware that they are shatting all over their own deep-pile office carpet?? Does the word ‘cult’ mean nothing to these so-called à la mode cultural commentators? Or is this final confirmation that the MTV offices are populated with no-brainer, ditzy teens who are desperately seeking to conform the entire world to a glossy High School Musical en masse zombie-mind orgy??

There is an online petition Stop the Remake that is collecting names against the RHPS remake…for the sake of every sacred cult film in movie history, go add yourself to it!

TechnoPop!

If you ever required proof that music + random mechanical parts + geek intuition = GENIUS! then here, m’laud, is the evidence…

It all began with The Imperial March from Star Wars played on various pieces of computer hardware. For example, a floppy disk…


…and a hard-disk drive…

…then the geek musicians discovered the lyrical qualities of the HP Scanner…

..and this has resulted in the monumental orchestral cacophony that is Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody played on an Atari 800XL, a Texas Instruments TI-99/4a, an 8 Inch Floppy Disk, a 3.5 inch Harddrive and HP ScanJet 3C…


Geek musicians, I salute you!! I'm off to set fire to the piano
and dig my old Spectrum out of the loft.....

Kit Kat Christ

A reader of the Dutch website Nu.nl discovered this choccy embodiment of Jesus in his Kit Kat on Good Friday.

What's next? Mary in a Mars bar?

Label Lover

Ok, hands up if you choose your wine for the evening based on font type, print colour and cutest indigenous creature on the wine label?

Really...? Huh, I didn’t realise you were that shallow…!

I have at least one good friend who would balk and suffocate himself violently at the thought of anyone picking a wine based on the label alone, but I must admit, some of these label designers certainly earn their crust. Gerri L Elder at WebUrbanist is showcasing ‘61 exceptionally creative wine labels’, some of which are functional, stylish or downright hysterical. My favs are below, but I’m sure there are other crackers in circulation…








Gotta admire the honesty of this one...

Twittering under the Influence

Drunk texting is embarrassing. Drunk dialling is even worse. Even drunk emailing can induce awkward squirming at work the next morning. But who knew that drunk twittering would eclipse them all?

Thanks to Twitter's messaging system, not only is your drunken message destined solely for a best mate/ex-partner/boss/random stranger’s email or mobile inbox, now all your friends and acquaintances….no wait…the entire world!…can giggle collectively at your late night intoxicated attempt to type a coherent sentence, or shake their head at your need to inform the world of your recent conquest in the local pub or admire the numerous photos of your newly acquired traffic cone collection. Shame on you! I’ve only committed one or two T.U.Is (to my knowledge) and when re-read in the sober light of morning I’ve been pleased to see that they have been fairly innocuous, but recently I’ve had cause to cringe at one or two misguided late night twitters from friends.

Now…Google mail has Mail Goggles, Virgin Mobile has a drunk dial prevention option, the iPhone has the Bad Decision Blocker app and even LG attemped to solve the problem with their LP4100 Sobriety Phone which not only had a number lock-out system but even came with a built-in breathalyser! There are many other apps and systems to combat drunk dialling/emailing, but what about drunk twittering prevention?

There are, of course, benefits to be had for the sober parties involved….it would be cruel to suggest that anyone who is mean, nasty or even in the slightest bit annoying should be encouraged to remain within the close vicinity of a computer when in a slightly inebriated state for purposes of revenge. Or even to suggest that friends of celebrities should get them utterly rat-arsed, sit them at a computer and thereby negate the need for tabloid journalism. Just a thought.

Recharging my Bojis

I woke up this morning to a monumental thunderstorm. Not the standard flash-and-rumble type of storm, just a continual rumble as though something large and heavy was being dragged up my street. Hardly any rain either, which is weird. Now it’s pitch dark and the constant rumbling is interspersed with bright flashes of lightning just like there is a bank of paparazzi in my bedroom. Creepy, huh?

Most sane people would snuggle back under their warm duvets and wait for the storm to pass, particularly as it’s still holiday time and there is no need to dash off to work. But my first thought was to grab my dressing gown and run out into the garden. No, I haven’t lost my mind. I wanted to take my Boji stones out into the garden to get them recharged. Hmmm, then again, maybe I have lost my mind…

I bought my two Boji stones when I was about 12 years old. At the time I was heavily into crystals, herbs and numerous other New Age faff and a large hippy-type woman sold them to me at a craft fair. She told me that the stones possessed a powerful electromagnetic energy and as a result they had strong healing properties. They also have a gender! The larger smooth stones are female and the smaller, chunkier stones are male. Here are mine (Fred and Wilma):



There are a number of superstitious stories surrounding the stones and various websites offer advice on how to take care of them. The aforementioned hippy woman suggested that I keep them together, put them in water once in a while to allow them to drink(!) and their energies can be recharged by putting them on the ground during a thunderstorm.

These days the Boji stones collect dust on a shelf, but I still rush out to stick them in the middle of the garden whenever there is a thunderstorm. I’m not sure why I still do this. Who says superstition is dead?

Jesus, Judas...and Jimi Hendrix?

Happy Easter everyone! It’s that time of year once again when we spend quality time with our families and celebrate that day when Jesus took some time off work and…ummm…ate chocolate eggs and blessed the chicks and bunnies...

Rather appropriately for the season, Jeremy Baker at Popped Culture has posted a comprehensive list of 101 parodies of Leonardo da Vinci’s Last Supper. There’s quite an extensive selection, ranging from Popeye to Lego and Star Wars to the Simpsons. Who knew geeks could be so inventive? I’ve included a few tasters below, but check out the gallery for the full list.

Happy Jesus egg day!