Hot patootie, bless my soul!

I was way too young when I watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time, but that’s not a bad thing. In fact, I owe all my favourite, personal idiosyncrasies to it. At an age when a little girl should be obsessed with ponies and princess dresses, I was obsessed with stockings, rock ‘n’ roll and gothic glamour. My primary male role-model, aside from my father, was a flamboyant, stiletto-wearing transvestite from Trannsexual, Transylvania. Never did me any harm.

So I was horrified to learn today that MTV are planning a remake. And not only a remake, but they intend to ADD SONGS!! WHAAAT?!?

Jesus Christ people, do you realise what you’re messing with?? Are MTV aware that they are shatting all over their own deep-pile office carpet?? Does the word ‘cult’ mean nothing to these so-called à la mode cultural commentators? Or is this final confirmation that the MTV offices are populated with no-brainer, ditzy teens who are desperately seeking to conform the entire world to a glossy High School Musical en masse zombie-mind orgy??

There is an online petition Stop the Remake that is collecting names against the RHPS remake…for the sake of every sacred cult film in movie history, go add yourself to it!

It's Doomsday....(yet again)

I’m still poorly and feeling sorry for myself (please send all flowers, grapes, bottles of strong liquor, rent boys etc to the usual address) but I’ve been amusing myself with the swine-flu related Internet and SMS gags mentioned in the post below.

One in particular has stood out from the crowd: the fake BBC news Zombie flu scare. The (totally fake!) news item describes a new strain of the swine flu virus H1N1 that has surfaced in London with unusual symptoms:

'After death, this virus is able to restart the heart of it’s victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believe to be a combination of brain damage and a chemical released into blood during “resurrection.”'

Fantastic! Load this page up in your browser, prepare your best ‘OMG we’re all gonna die horrifically!!’ shocked face and call over your friends, work colleagues, family, kids (ideally anyone without a heart condition). Good one eh?

It's Doomsday....(again)

In Britain there are two things of which you can be certain when faced with large scale mass murder, the tragic death of innocents, fatal pandemic, or a devastating natural disaster. They are 1) a 24/7 hysterical onslaught of hyped–up news coverage, and 2) a 24/7 hysterical onslaught of topical jokes. Within minutes of all the major tragedies that I can recall, such as 9/11, the death of Princess Diana, the Boxing Day tsunami in 2004, my mobile phone has lit up and my inbox has been jammed with related jokes. British humour eh?

So now it is swine flu. This is the monumental, biblical sized, bubonic plague-like pandemic that is going to wipe humanity off the face of the earth…right? Fantastic, I thought upon hearing the news reports, how exactly do I go about spreading this thing around? But now it transpires that swine flu is only a little cough-and-sniffle type affair - man-flu on an epic scale. Who looks silly now?!

I might add that I write this from my bed, where I have been confined all morning with a headache, stuffy nose, sore throat and general lethargy. I’m hoping it’s a summer cold and nothing more sinister. Still, I’m being entertained by the numerous swine flu gags that are flooding through to my mobile. Thank God for my sick-headed friends. But, just in case it does transpire that we are about to contract the latest strain of the Black Death, thank you for reading, I love you all, and my cynicism was severely misguided…aaarrrggghhhh…

Here’s a little ditty from Jill Tracy to lift our spirits while we tighten our masks…

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Doomsday Serenade - Jill Tracy